Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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