Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
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