I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ladies don't puke and tell
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