Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
