My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
