I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
