I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
