she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
they're like a gay fantastic four
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
