I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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