I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
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It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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