I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
