ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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