i will never coherently bang her
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
