Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
