Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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