Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We need to rekindle our bromance
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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