two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
