Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
