I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
