Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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