Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
