For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
