She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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