I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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