I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
