i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Randomize
