The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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