there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
