I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
