I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
