I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
