My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I want her autograph on my taint
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
