I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
