My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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