I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
