I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
