How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
