I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
