captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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