maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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