Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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