where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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