STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
