Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
