i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
