That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
