On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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