I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
