After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
