Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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