I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They took my balls.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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