He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
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he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
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I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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