There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
