is wine microwaveable?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
