I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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