he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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