dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
