Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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