I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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