do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
