the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
