I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
send nudes
from the living room?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
