Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
