He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
