she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
