craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
