i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
