worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize