some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
