atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
