I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Randomize
