I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
