Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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