I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
