hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
vagina is talking i cant
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
