I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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