Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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