Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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