Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
