One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
