you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
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What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
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I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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